My deepest condolences to all who held Stacy Zallie dear. I did not want to nor was I trying to get pregnant but I did. I never thought that i would, but if I did, I never thought that the father would want me to have an abortion, but he did. I did not want an abortion. I had no peace about an abortion, not because I am morally opposed, but because to me I was interrupting the course of nature and because as a mother I instantly loved the baby. When he finally straight up said “yes” that he wanted an abortion, I wanted to die.
I thought of ways I could kill myself and make it look accidental so my 5 year old would be provided for financially with my life insurance. I still feel like the world would be better off without me. I respected his perspective but I did not agree with it. It has been 2 weeks since the abortion, the worst day of my life. I have endured things in life that were out of my control and some things that were because of my own bad choices but none compares to this because I chose to do it even though I didn’t want to, I chose to kill my unborn child. The anxiety is the worst part for me. There is supposed to be a magnificent little being growing within me but he is gone because I let them take him from me. I was 11weeks but I knew from the moment I found out he was a boy, I nicknamed him KP sonshine. I knew my 5 yr old was a boy, I could just feel it in my being. I love you KP sunshine and I miss you every day!!! Thank you for letting me share my experience.
This truly is more helpful than you know and I feel this is a turning point where healing may begin. I can never get my baby back but maybe somehow I can get my peace back.